Observations

If I had a dollar for every taillight that doesn’t work in Phoenix traffic, I wouldn’t need a job. Seriously.
*wit*:
I was walking to the mailbox (maybe 150 yards round trip max) and I see two cars parked by the mailboxes. Kind of a pet peeve of mine but I can understand why people stop by on the way home from work. Anyways, there were two cars, one right in front of the mailboxes and one right behind the other car. But there was only one person at the mailboxes. I carry on getting my mail. 2 blockbuster envelopes (Harold and Kumar 2, The Big Lebowski) Then I turn around as one car leaves, the other car pulls up 10 ft, then the driver (female in case you were wondering) gets out and starts to get her mail.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Today was not a good day for my faith in humanity.

Thats what she said

IM chat from tonight:

(Background info – Kyle was talking about the new modern warfare game coming out soon)

Kyle: ‘Tactical Insertion’
Kyle: you get to pick where you spawn now
Me: thats what she said
Kyle: i knew that would come
Me: thats what she said
Kyle: and again*

*typed while I was typing my second ‘thats what she said’

Live your life (Ayyeh Ayyyeh Ayyyeeh)

I’m over due for a post, then it hit me…I live a boring life, and I enjoy it.

I do what I want, when I want. I’ve never been to San Diego, sure I’d like to go, but the fact that I haven’t doesn’t drive me crazy that I haven’t been there. Same deal with Australia. (This thought inspired by “the social club” of honeywell rotationals)

I’ve never been arrested. I’ve gotten a ticket for unlawful swimming. And like most people, I’ve gotten a speeding ticket. No car wrecks, never broken a bone. I don’t have any extreme or breathtaking stories to captivate a crowd.

I never played organized sports other than 3rd grade soccer. I can’t play any instruments. I can sing, but as a bass II and there aren’t a lot of popular songs for that range.

I do take pride in my wealth of knowledge, from random useless facts like how to cut a grape so that its microwaved it will release plasma. As well as useful information, such as almost any type of car maintenance. Oh, and don’t forget the 5 years of engineering courses.

I’ve got a pretty set routine, shower and cereal every day before work. Sundays are laundry and recycling. Soon I’ll be doing my hour of P90x every day. I love it, everything is organized, I know what to expect. It’s a tried and true plan that is simple and works for me.

I know some people cant stand to live this way and that’s fine. As humans, we want to surround ourselves with similar people. Unfortunately for me its going to be tough to find the other people like me because they are just fine in their own routine. Until then I’ll manage with the very adventurous and outgoing group of people I know here in Phoenix. Just makes me appreciate the friends I made previously that share a more mild lifestyle.

Ending on a light note:
One benefit of living in a strong catholic area – no lines on sunday morning. I went to autozone, got a haircut, and got groceries in about 35 minutes.

Living the bachelor life

So instead of cleaning house or doing laundry tonight, I decided to relax and will go to bed early. However, near disaster occurred while cooking (microwaving) dinner. I was going to have a beer with dinner only, I couldn’t find my bottle opener. I only have 1 in the house so this situation quickly went code red. I checked the counter tops and the bar mat in the kitchen, not there. I start replaying the weekend to see if I could remember where it was last used. I checked the patio and the pool area, no dice. Where could it be? Could the mexican be playing a mean trick on me by either accidentally or purposefully hiding my bottle opener when she cleaned the kitchen? The opener was not in any of the utensil drawers, so I ruled out any conspiracies. Then, a stroke of genius hit me. I knew exactly where it was:

Under the empty hot pockets box on my kitchen island.

Engineers are hilarious

first off, what happens in vegas, stays in vegas. except for herpes, that shit stays with you forever.
*NOTE*
If you aren’t an engineer or math major, you probably won’t find this funny. I however couldn’t stop laughing for about 15 minutes.

Engineering joke from today:

Fellow employee 1: The lake I went fishing at last week is 3000 feet long and about 2000 feet wide at its widest.

Fellow employee 2: Wow! Thats almost a mile long.

I found this statement worth noting to a friend who works at honeywell and is also an engineer. we then moved onto a discussion about numbers that should be branded into everyones brain. Numbers such as 2.54, 9.81, 6.022X10^23, 3E8, 3.1415926535. I comment how that is a lot of numbers for pi. Then I tell him about the Pi Guy that went to KSU and how he has somewhere around 100,000 digits of pi memorized. He then went off on a rant about how 34 digits of pi can create a circle around our visible universe so accurate that no point will be a proton’s diamater off of a perfect circle. Then he mentioned that humans have calculated pi out past 59 billion digits. To which he questioned, why have we done that?

I replied: Its irrational.

Vegas Trip

So I leave for Vegas tomorrow. I am beyond excited, this will be my first trip to sin city since turning 21, or even 18. I’m excited to not get kicked out of the Bellagio this time too.

I plan on having an excellent time which will consist of many hours of gambling, drinking for free, and sightseeing. The downside is that a large portion of the group doesn’t seem to be putting much emphasis on gambling. There is also some group dynamics that may turn ugly when large amounts of alcohol get involved.

Have no fear, I have been on this planet for over 23 years. I have honed my drama avoiding skills for moments like this, and I have no problem running off on my own to try my luck at some of the worlds greatest casinos.

Updates to come probably monday night.

Shame on Muse

Not even making it to the western half of the U.S.

http://muse.mu/tour-dates/upcoming/

You’re not in Kansas anymore *Rare double post exclusive*

so since we are spreading out across the country, we will/have heard the typical “i’m from the coast and i’m so smart”: you’re not in kansas anymore.

I have found the perfect retort:

“you know I have never heard that before” – say it dead serious with no sarcasm.
they will reply: really? – shocked that none of their fellow coastal brainiacs have made fun of the kansan yet.
then obviously you lay it on thick with a “yes, of course i’ve heard that one”
they should cower away, ashamed and bruised ego.

A Monday in the desert

Nothing real intriguing today, got free pizza for lunch from the friendly people at discount tire. (they were bribing us to fix their airplanes or something)

My main complaint for the day is taillights. I was behind 4 cars today on my drive home that had 1 or fewer working taillights. That made for an exciting trip on the highway in rush hour. Then i saw a man get pulled over for operating an atv on city streets (dumbass) without a helmet or even eye protection (dumbass) with his son (dumbass).

my day “off”

The life of a working home owner:
slept in till 9am
ordered a new pool pump timer motor
got refills of some pool testing chemicals
got a haircut
picked up some groceries to hold me over for a week or so
cooked lunch
checked the mail
swept the pool
watched some tv
washed and ironed 3 loads of laundry

what a day off. I still have dishes to wash, rooms to clean and plenty of other stuff to do.